Well, she had been given a chance, she thought. A chance to save herself the embarrassment of another rebuttal.
Rising to her feet, she turned, just as the door opened.
“Mr Patmore!”
“Miss Montrose!”
They spoke at the same time, as he strode towards her, putting his hands on her shoulders and drawing her into the light.
“Is something the matter?” He looked concerned. And very desirable. She wanted to put her lips to the corner of his mouth and run her tongue down the groove that opened up when he smiled.
Slowly pulling the covers back, she patted the crisp linen sheets. “My aunt has given me leave to follow my heart,” she whispered. “And that is what I’m doing.”
“Following your heart?”
She nodded, just able to make out his smile in the dim light cast by the candle.
“You realise where this will lead if I let you stay?”
“If you let me stay? Oh, yes.” She nodded, a little thrill starting at her toes, for his eyes were fixed firmly on hers, and the intensity in his look was growing her confidence by the moment. “You can join me.” She patted the mattress again. “In the bed.”
“It is my bed, Miss Montrose.”
“I think you should call me Eliza, Mr Montrose.”
“And Rufus is probably appropriate under the circumstances.” He moved very slightly forward, but didn’t divest himself of his banyan. Instead, he bent over her to cup her face in his hands so as to direct at her a very serious look.
“You have just inherited a very large amount of money, Eliza. You are free to live your life as you choose.”
Eliza opened her mouth, disappointment churning in her belly. This wasn’t what he was supposed to say. She wanted him to embrace her with a passionate avowal of all she thought he felt. Instead, he went on, “You don’t have to rely on any man to keep you, or to enable you to keep your son, or hunger from the door. Think on what that liberty—so long denied you—could feel like.”
Hurt, she said, “Not so long ago, you were willing to marry me to enable me to have and do all those things. Does this mean your feelings have changed?”
“Lord, no!” The vehemence with which he said those words was reassuring. “The truth is, I adore you, Eliza. I have from the moment I laid eyes on you. Actually, that’s not true,” he amended. “I thought, like Ladies Quamby and Fenton, that you were distant and abrasive. The very words you used, as I recall. But then I saw a different side to you, and I was lost. But—” He put his hands on her shoulders to draw her closer, “You were not truthful with me, Eliza. I could have borne anything but that.”
Tears thickened her throat. She inhaled on a sob. “I know you’ve been hurt by the fact I didn’t confide in you but you must know how much I had to lose? Everything! Including your love for me.” She stared over his shoulder a moment before meeting his eye. “I was afraid, I admit it, Rufus. So afraid that I chose to have your love as a memory to treasure my whole life on the basis that at least I could leave you, knowing you thought only the best of me.” She swallowed painfully before adding, “Knowing that if you knew the truth, you would condemn and despise me.”
He shook his head. “I have thought long and hard, Eliza, and I do not condemn and despise you. Yes, there was a time I felt your love was only for your child and I was your last consideration—”
“No, that was never the case!” she exclaimed. “I always loved you. I remember the very moment I fell in love with you, Rufus.” Gathering herself, Eliza took a deep breath as she guided his hands from her face. “You can lift me onto the bed and join me there.” She smiled, embarrassed. “I know exactly where this will lead, and I’m feeling very anxious to…feel your arms about me, instead of making me sit in the cold when you’re wearing a cosy banyan while I’m shivery in the finest cambric.”
He laughed softly, then leaned over and slipped his hands beneath her knees to lay her on the bed, joining her hurriedly there once he’d removed his banyan.
“Oh! You’re not wearing a nightshift!” she squeaked.
“That accounted for part of my reluctance to remove my banyan before I’d established on what basis you were here.”
“Because I love you, of course. As I’ve already told you.” She snuggled into his side.
“But that’s not enough for me, Eliza.” He rolled onto his stomach and stared into her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave me after loving me. I want to know you’ll stay. That you’ll be my wife. But that’ll mean you’d have to give up a great deal.”
“What do you mean?” she asked in sudden alarm, all the pleasant sensations evaporating upon the instant to be replaced by the familiar angst and uncertainty that had dogged her since she’d known him. “Not Jack!”
“Lord, no!” He looked horrified at the idea. “I know that you love your child above all, and I would never countenance such a thing. He’s a very special lad, besides, and we can make a plausible story about him being my ward. I meant your independence, Eliza. Money confers independence. You could live in great comfort, start afresh, introduce Jack as a legitimate member of your household. You could have anyone you chose—or no one.”
“But I want you, Rufus.” She took his hand and moved it slightly lower. “Please stroke me there. You almost did before, and I was in a fever of anticipation that you would, until you got distracted and started telling how much I’d enjoy my independence with all that money, and that I wouldn’t need you.”
“That’s not what I said. Or what I meant.”